bitter+lonely

every food that went into my mouth, it taste like harsh acrid taste. omg, i really feels like i wanna die now..now means right now!! no wait..im still sane, not paranoid tho, its just that, i am officially 'single' start from today.. haiyaahh...single doesnt mean that i am already break up with my boyfriend or something. stop making assumptions okayy.. he's going back to Malaysia already and leaving me here again, alone..sigh..

sayang, you really have to go meh?

i wonder how am i going to survive without you here darling. have to wait for you like 2 and a half month!! could chuu imagine that?? T_____T
really hope that time will move fast so that i can be in his arm again. its all about patience and i know that distance will never separate 2 hearts that really care.

a month we have been together and a few things had happened which some people try to shake off our relationship. i really dont have ideas what have running through their minds and what did they get by doing that to me. satisfactions perhaps.
i am really mentally tired. to0o many things..to0o many.. i can't cope it all at once. too much pressure and too much drama. yet, i am happy because he still stick with me. thankful that i am finally found someone that really understand me, being part of me when im sad.

to recall again 1 year back,
i am very picky when it comes to relationships. i dont want it to be a short term relationship where we will go separate ways after a few months of being together or even worst, weeks. I prefer a long term relationship, where i can cherish the person where we slowly know about each other's true colours and he'll always be in my heart for the rest of my life.

Throughout this 12 months, I've rejected quite a number of guys. They're wonderful, don't get me wrong. They're such cool guys, but I really don't think they can satisfy me and make me happy in a relationship, giving me the tenderness and infatuation that i had when i was with my ex. Friends said im picky and expecting too much. Well i said im following my instincts and heart, because when you know it's not the one, you just know it. And by that, i can't make them happy either.

I've learned alot after the bad break up i had with my ex last year and I slowly accepted it. It was a struggle at first, everything i did it reminded me of him, things that we did together.
but now i have grown and starting to forgive slowly to whoever may have do anything wrong to me because i know, i am not an angel, imperfect myself, i am only human.
i dont wanna spend another days pointing fingers and simply placing blame to others.
everything that has happened must be a reason behind it. again, its all about patience.

what you read here its only a summary of what i have been through for a worth roller coaster life. life is not simple, the more we try to dig, the more harder it will be. so just stay and try to appreciate what we have in front of us. thankful. grave it in your mind.

now,
i am finally found the one. hope our relationship will long last.. *pray for us*

T____________T
haiyahhh.... whateverness, i am already miss my baby.
he now on the plane otw to Kuala Lumpur.then fly to Kuching after that.
i'm send him to airport this morning. had breakfast at McDonald no choice because the rest of it serves Irish breakfast with ham, bacon and pork sausage wtf. eat egg and cheese burger with hash browns. tho its only 3.60euro, its yummy.take some pictures while eating..hehe..
then went outside, ciggie for him not for me, taking pictures summore.
then the times has comes that he have to leave me at the gate. hug him and cry cry and cry.
and whispered to his ear, 'im gonna miss you darling, and i love you so much'.
then he went inside the gate and i cant see him anymore. T___________T







yesterday, the last day we spend our time together.
went to urban outfitters near the temple bar then we had our lunch at Fitzsimons Hotel where located in the heart of Dublin's Temple Bar. I had fish & chips and soup of the day with bread, buffalo wings and spicy cajun burger for him. really had a great day out!!








holy shit this is one long post *.*

ryn is out now...taa~